So now it's all over, what happens next?

I have had, quite possibly the most exhausting and emotional week i've had for a long long time.

It's done, my baby has been laid to rest after 3 months of waiting for her father to partake in it. And i know whats been going on whilst i've been away hun, i'm not an idiot. I know what you've said and what you've tried to make me look like.

Thing is you deny so much. What are you? Not that i should care anymore. But now i find you fascinating. Now i find that you're just a manipulative cranky but above all, lazy arsehole.
And i'm wondering why.

Anyhow, it is done. And you will never know where. My family know, and the closest few know. But not you. Think of it as punishment. You'll have forgotton her in a few months anyway.
But punishment for your laziness. Punishment for not being there to discuss your daughter when everything was arranged for you.

Punishment for lying. For lying and thinking that manipulating your family would somehow manage to manipulate mine.

You are a law unto yourself, but personal law is forever your own worst enemy.

Was I out of line? Did i say something way too honest,
Made you run and hide,
Like some scared little boy,

So here's to everything,
Coming down to nothing,
Here's to silence,
That cuts me to the core.

Oh back up, baby, back up, did you forget everything?


On a seperate streak. It was beautiful. Calm and peaceful we held our own little goodbye service attended by just the five of us. The view is amazing, and everything fitted. It was an amazingly sad moment having to say goodbye for the last time. I held her so close so many times in her temporary 'room' and now i don't have her any more. But she's with family, and she knew she was loved i am sure of it. The place hasn't changed much. Neither has the woman, bless her. I don't know how long we were there for. A long time that's for sure. I came so close to it so many times, but felt like i needed one last cuddle. Again and again. There wasn't a way round it though, and i know i can always go to see her. I feel like i'm grieving a hole inside of me that i've accepted now though, rather than one that seemed to be in limbo.
I'm starting to let go, although god help me, and pray it doesn't drive me mad with grief.

R.I.P Faith, all your family and your godparents love you, always. Sleep well baby, mummy loves you. XXX