The final, smug, victory.

So. I met a guy a few weeks ago. Lovely, sweet. Paid a bomb to get to Swindon (as he lived in Cirencester, a good five quids worth of buses to see me).
And then, wwaayyyyyy. I go see him, go to the cinema trip he invited me to with him and a couple of his mates, and he treats me like utter shit. Barely looks at me all day, swears at me, insults my best friends and decides to talk about the girl he'd love to screw when he goes on holiday tomorrow.

Yeah he can delete my MSN, number and Facebook prontoooo please.

Any of you that know me well, will know that after a certain very unpleasant guy called Kyle, that I don't take shit from guys. Like nada. You get one chance and that's it. So this guy from Cirencester, called Ben as it happens, didn't stand a chance. I'm not some obedient, timid person he can treat like the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. So girls. When you've been screwed over by a guy, you feel pretty crap right? Most of us tend to go back to what we know, feel miserable and have a boring few days watching films, cuddling the household pet and feeling generally sorry for ourselves.

I, personally, do not call that fitting punishment for the guy involved.

So, girls, a few way to having the last laugh:

1) Flirt with his best mate. It seems to irritate them massively, i'm assuming because they cannot stand seeing you remotely happy without them. Worked exceedingly well with dickhead number 1 (Kyle)

2) If they ever text you wanting to meet up, say no, your week ahead is full, even if it's not true. And NOT because of work. You sound carefree, moved on and they can't accuse you of being boring OR unsociable. (Boys really don't know the meaning of that last word, helloooo XBox geeks...)

3) If you have any solid items of value they've left at your house (for example a nice albeit fake rolex watch that dickhead number 2, Ben, left at mine) sell them on ebay. This goes for all jewellery, CD's, DVD's, iPod's, phones, bikes etc.

4) Any clothing they've left; burn or shred it. Not only is this immensly fun and glorifying to do, if it's designer, it'll hurt them even more. Financially, and emotionally. They never thought that their gulliable, sweet, obedient ex girlfriend would dare do something like that. Prove them wrong ladies. Shredded a pair of Kyle's designer boxers after his cheating escapade. The look on his face when I told him after him asking for them back was priceless.

5) Win the affection of his mother. This does not need an explanation.

6) Go to town with mates. If you see him, pretend you haven't. Have a good time without him, and make sure he sees it. That is the best revenge of all, and this is probably one you've all heard before.

7) If you ever get the chance, and know for a fact you can win, beat him at his favourite sport or hobby. His ego will meet the floor with a painful crash ;)

9) Do not become a slut, and exaggerate how many boys you've slept with on the rebound. It will a) not help you get that new boy you kind of like the look of and b) This bit is kinda obvious, you lose all credibility as a respectable woman and become, well. A slut. Become a social butterfly instead. The more people that are left liking you means he's left wondering why he let you go.

10) If all the above fails, nut him one, hard and preferably with steel toe capped boots or a stilletto heel. If he throws up or cries, bonus.

Number ten should be used as a last resort. However, it is understandable in some circumstances to use it as a more spontaneous act of revenge. I cannot be held responsible for infertility or permanent injury inflicted as a result of any person/s enacting numero 10. ;)

Good luck girls. Hit 'em where it hurts and make me proud.