Possibly the most shocking news since... well. November 09.

IT'S A HAPPY BLOG!

Haven't had a reason to be happy in ages, and now i do!

FUCK YESSSS!

Ahhhh, you know that feeling when you wanna stand on the rooftops and shout and screaaaaam about it? That's me. And you know what? It's actually freaking amazing, cause i never thought i'd feel like this again after everything. :)

Smiles smiles smiles. Hum de dummmm. This is crazy. I forgot how it felt to be truly happy.

Ohhhhhhh my god. I'm trying so damn hard to contain it... thing is i don't want to :D

I can't even explain how amazing this feels!

Tell you what. This was so worth waiting for. :)

The gentle man.

Yes, i did mean to write gentleman that way.



Basically the way i came about to writing this blog, is me and alex decided that we would write a blog based on a random search article on wikipedia. What came up; gentleman.



So the gentleman. Not really something you come across much in the modern day. And honestly, not that much in history either. You wouldn't exactly call Henry VIII a gentleman after what he did to Anne Boleyn and her cousin Katherine Howard would you?



Anyhow. To be a gentleman these days.



Honestly. My experience with blokes this year has proved how much 85% of our male generation only care about sex. Just when you think your on the path to finding a faith and love in a good, respectable guy, they go and treat you like shit. It's a secret no-one tells, one day it's heaven, one day it's hell.
No fairytale, take it from me.
But as a female, i am left wondering why guys feel the need to treat girls this way. Power? Something to boast about to their mates? Or are you all just plain bored? Threatened by the uprising in female rights? Because i want to know. We are no game. And i have declared war on these men. The men who think they can get away with this digusting behaviour. Believe me, i am not going to stand by and watch you hurt my friends, or to be honest, anyone. I am not backing down. Expect a mouthful, for your things to be burnt, for a sharp, hard, kick in the nuts. I vow to make your lives as difficult as i can possibly manage. You are not gentlemen. You are the opposite. Hideous, disgraceful, pathetic, excuses for men.

Thing is. Some of you are quite clever. As friends, you excel, you hold doors, you're there for us when things go wrong and you couldn't put a foot wrong. But if you decide you want more, you decide you want sex. And then fuck my life do we have problems.

Really, the gentleman is dying out with our grandparents. Replaced by a male generation fuelled by the economy driven by money, and of course not forgetting that side dish of steamy hot sex, meaning;
- Office sex for quick relief (because men cannot multitask, and therefore cannot pin a job and a relationship down at the same time),
- Buying your way out of a marriage once your in it (Hefty divorce settlements, for those who have tried and failed at the above.),
- When manners mean sending your secretary a polite note reminding her to send the right gift with the right name to each of your 12 women over christmas,
- Alcohol becomes the excuse for all your mistakes, because otherwise what other excuse do you have for not being your usual overworked, grouchy, but of course professional self. However, your kids may not take kindly to the whole 'daddy was whore' line,
- The stock exchange figures are strangely beginning to resemble how many women you 'got through' this year,
- Women serve two purposes; to work at that desk, and to bend over it.

Total gentlemen, the lot of you.
Grow up.

The final, smug, victory.

So. I met a guy a few weeks ago. Lovely, sweet. Paid a bomb to get to Swindon (as he lived in Cirencester, a good five quids worth of buses to see me).
And then, wwaayyyyyy. I go see him, go to the cinema trip he invited me to with him and a couple of his mates, and he treats me like utter shit. Barely looks at me all day, swears at me, insults my best friends and decides to talk about the girl he'd love to screw when he goes on holiday tomorrow.

Yeah he can delete my MSN, number and Facebook prontoooo please.

Any of you that know me well, will know that after a certain very unpleasant guy called Kyle, that I don't take shit from guys. Like nada. You get one chance and that's it. So this guy from Cirencester, called Ben as it happens, didn't stand a chance. I'm not some obedient, timid person he can treat like the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. So girls. When you've been screwed over by a guy, you feel pretty crap right? Most of us tend to go back to what we know, feel miserable and have a boring few days watching films, cuddling the household pet and feeling generally sorry for ourselves.

I, personally, do not call that fitting punishment for the guy involved.

So, girls, a few way to having the last laugh:

1) Flirt with his best mate. It seems to irritate them massively, i'm assuming because they cannot stand seeing you remotely happy without them. Worked exceedingly well with dickhead number 1 (Kyle)

2) If they ever text you wanting to meet up, say no, your week ahead is full, even if it's not true. And NOT because of work. You sound carefree, moved on and they can't accuse you of being boring OR unsociable. (Boys really don't know the meaning of that last word, helloooo XBox geeks...)

3) If you have any solid items of value they've left at your house (for example a nice albeit fake rolex watch that dickhead number 2, Ben, left at mine) sell them on ebay. This goes for all jewellery, CD's, DVD's, iPod's, phones, bikes etc.

4) Any clothing they've left; burn or shred it. Not only is this immensly fun and glorifying to do, if it's designer, it'll hurt them even more. Financially, and emotionally. They never thought that their gulliable, sweet, obedient ex girlfriend would dare do something like that. Prove them wrong ladies. Shredded a pair of Kyle's designer boxers after his cheating escapade. The look on his face when I told him after him asking for them back was priceless.

5) Win the affection of his mother. This does not need an explanation.

6) Go to town with mates. If you see him, pretend you haven't. Have a good time without him, and make sure he sees it. That is the best revenge of all, and this is probably one you've all heard before.

7) If you ever get the chance, and know for a fact you can win, beat him at his favourite sport or hobby. His ego will meet the floor with a painful crash ;)

9) Do not become a slut, and exaggerate how many boys you've slept with on the rebound. It will a) not help you get that new boy you kind of like the look of and b) This bit is kinda obvious, you lose all credibility as a respectable woman and become, well. A slut. Become a social butterfly instead. The more people that are left liking you means he's left wondering why he let you go.

10) If all the above fails, nut him one, hard and preferably with steel toe capped boots or a stilletto heel. If he throws up or cries, bonus.

Number ten should be used as a last resort. However, it is understandable in some circumstances to use it as a more spontaneous act of revenge. I cannot be held responsible for infertility or permanent injury inflicted as a result of any person/s enacting numero 10. ;)

Good luck girls. Hit 'em where it hurts and make me proud.

The McDonalds life

I had a really good chat with a guy from work today, Brownie :)

One of the first things he said was why was i there, i was too intelligent for this job. Bless him. Told him everything, about how i'd come to work there. It was odd. strangely surreal, almost a release to someone who's strangely got a lot in common with me. We share a love of history, of Darwin and our view on religion is similar.

And he's someone who's loud and speaks his mind. Fantastic. :D

Good day really ^^

Rules Are Made To Be Broken

So okay.
You made a mistake. Why are you beating yourself up about it? Honestly, shit happens. Trust me. From the Queen of having-shit-happen-to-her take it from me.
So why are you trying and panicking and defending yourself. It was a mistake and you're human.

What i don't get is, everything has it's history, people have skeletons in the closet and come on, as much as we don't want to think so, we'll add to them at some point. So why worry? Everyone does the same thing. Don't panic. We're all human.

I don't get panic. I don't think i've actually been able to panic for a long time. Think GCSE's sorted that one out for me. Because once you're sat there, in the room with the paper in front of you, there's no going back, you can't do anymore than you have. Can't change it, so give it your best shot whilst you're there, and don't regret it. At the end of the day, the result will be the result. I'm probably too chilled for my own good tbh. I probably should put more pressure on myself occasionally.

If you're going to do something, remember it will have it's consequences, but remember, you'll live through it. You know what the consequences will be. But be prepared to accept them because they are a result of YOUR actions.

I don't want to sit here and tell you that your relationship with that person is never going to work out, or you're definately not gonna get fired, because it's not set in stone. But i'm pretty damn sure. And thing is, no-one sees sense anymore, and believes the person whose actually been there before. Kinda annoys me. Cause you're so blind to what is staring you in the face, because you didn't want to accept the consequences.

Rant over.